Journal · Relationship

Paris|A Temporal Reality

Note : Paris in this case, is not about Eiffel tower or the literal city. It is about some sort of temporal reality to escape the current situation. I wrote this because a song  ‘ paris’ by the chainsmokers clearly depicts what i am currently going through.

Continue reading “Paris|A Temporal Reality”

Relationship

An Insight for Interfaith Couple

Disclaimer : This article is written for anyone out there who are currently in love but being held back by having different beliefs and in confusion. Also it is written especially for individuals who grew up in a conservative background.
Dating

I would say,most of us are attracted to someone physically for the first time.Although physical attraction is very subjective but that is the first stage for someone to make an approach. And this show, Religion is one of the least consideration when we first decided to talk to someone. Then, if you are a single individual, let’s say in your late 20’s and desperate looking for a partner. I would not recommend you to put ” Religion” to be your priority. I will tell you later why you shouldn’t do that.Then, next stage of early relationship, begin by talking with a prospective partner in order to know them better, inside and out. After we know them at least 40% of their hobby, passion, motivation and interest we begin to decide to put this particular person into a box; ( a friend, soon to be partner, or a best friend). So, from here, i assume you know their religion background. Here comes the problem, You like that particular individual, but it turned out they have different religion background so you decided to let them go for good.Meanwhile, your hearth aches, you can’t simply let them go, you want to convert them but it’s nearly impossible and you’ve been getting sleepless night. So what can you do? When The religion is against your relationship and so is your family as they’re old-fashioned and fancy a wedding in an old beautiful church, synagogue, mosque (name it yourself). Do you want to sacrifice your happiness for what they want? Haven’t you sacrificed your freedom enough?

The answer
The ugly truth is that, reality does not align perfectly with religion. In our daily life, we often see some of unique relationship that works; them against the world. If you happen to grow up in a conservative background there will be this kind of rule; a catholic must marry a catholic, a muslim must marry a muslim, a hindu must marry a hindu and so on. This rule seemed  to be rigid, while the only thing i see here is that they want to maintain the teachings and the community. I think that if what you seek is happiness, you should find your way and choose to be non conformist.
We are not simply defined by religion. Religion does not fully shape our personality as there are other main factors such as environment, society and also experience. It is simply unacceptable to cut a tie with the person we love because religion differences. Religion should never be a reason for you to do it, just because it is a religion law and you’re afraid to be a sinner or worse ditched by your family. First thing first, you are responsible of your own self, your individual rights, not even society or religion should restrict they way you want to lead it. Most of the time, we forget our individual rights because we are too accustomed listening and trying to please people. While i am also aware that we are motivated and influenced by the fear.
The fear comes in different form and it depends on the individual. In this case, i would pick three major fears; The fear of sin, The fear of being non conformist and the fear of our parents. Truth about  Fear is that we have been injected ever since we were a toddler and it is hardly removed from our mind. now let me explain further.
First, the fear of sin, aren’t we making sin in our daily basis?So why should we fear making a sin for love? because basically we commit the cycle of rinse and repeat.
Second, The fear of being non conformist. I know it takes courage to be unique and different from the rest but why not? you have some outshine qualities and a life you dream of.So, why not being a non conformist for a love you have been waiting all this life? will you just let it all go, then lead your lonely life once again, whining everywhere about being single and say ” Maybe, God will send them in perfect time”, truth is there’s never a perfect time.
Third, The fear of parents. Okay so we love them, they raised us emotionally and financially. In return we followed whatever they told us to. Yet now, you’re a grown individual, You’ve seen some ugly shits of life yet  still clinging to your parents when it comes to deciding your life partner. Again, it is you who will lead the life, It is not your parents who will experience it, so do not let your parents decide the way you will lead a life for the next several years. You’ve had it enough.
In short, do not let those three fears stop you from achieving one important aspect of your life. If your relationship and love are worth fighting for, go for it do not let anything stop you. You are responsible for your choices and it is only you.
Another Insight
This is a personal opinion written based on society i live in. It surprises me how most parents advised their children should marry based on religion. Parents put it on top of the list of the requirements apart from wealth and looks. What more surprising is that, personality would be less considered. One simply can not judge someone by appearance and wealth. Let’s say you have a religion, but that does not simply make you a good or bad human being.
Here is an evidence of what i say relating to parents and religion :
” Seven years ago, i met a guy who i was close with and my foster parents know about it. They love the guy because he was good looking, having the same religious background and wished i could be with him. My foster mother would also talk to him over the skype and even talk to his family. Yet there lies an ugly truth, He shown a violent behavior, unfaithful and a complete cheater. So i decided to cut the ties because of that. Later on, i get close to some guy who came from different religious background yet my foster mother kept asking me ” why can’t i be just with the guy who has same religious background?” it also goes by keep asking about the previous guy which was completely annoying even after years later on. My foster mother told me that having a relationship with different religion would bring complications such as acceptance,society and so on. From that on, they set a strict rule that i should be married to a man from same religion. However, i began to grow and find my way that they aren’t and will never be responsible about the life i lead on especially when I am out in the wildness of the world”
Apart from that, I have personally met a lot of douche who claim themselves to be ” religious” yet they are the most hideous form of human being. I have also met the kind of person who doesn’t pray in daily basis, or who don’t even believe in any of it but simply a gem among us. I would like to emphasize and remind you that religion, shouldn’t be your top list on deciding a life time partner. It should be personality above all. Yet now, i leave these options to you.
a. Be a complete happy and a free human being acquiring your rights
                                       or
b. Be a conformist and masking your happiness waiting your time to die.
Bonsoir,
M