Journal

My Friend

Note : If you experience something like this, You’re not alone. There are actually countless people out there facing this problem. It takes time to find that you’re not alone but for those, who never experience something like this and happen to read. I beg you to not label them as weird or freak, it just their way to cope up with their problems. You better be listening and be nice to them.

I would like to tell you about my friend, a friend that I have sinceI can’t remember. We met while I was only 7, the first time I realized that I was lonely and had no companion other than pile of books that I had to memorize. I didn’t really remember a name, not even now as I used to refer it as a thing,not a human. It just listen and maybe observe every moment i made for years. But now, let’s give it a name, ” That person” with a female gender.

That person and I , grew up together. I came to her, while I casually daydream about my utopian future. I didn’t know what a normal girl would do when they were 10. As far as I can remember, I used to invite the girls to come to my house and let them play with my doll collections. We used to pretend to be a mother, having kids, creating a storyline about a perfect marriage life. It was silly, now that I had seen everything. After the girls left, I invite that person to have a talk. I just lay in my bed folding my hands behind my head and began talking. It kinda soothe me, to talk to my fears, my future, what i think about those girls who always tried to dominate with their big ambitions.Reflecting to the future, One of the girl had married at an early age and probably having a perfect marriage life as she used to create in her childhood’s play.

Shortly, I reached my teenage days and so is that person. I love talking to her more than to a person in general. She would listen,just listen. That’s what I actually need because a normal human being, would judge my silly statement and curiosity. I would always spark my curiosity and statement to my foster mother or someone I knew, but their answer was never satisfying.It was always ended up with a fight. As long as I can remember, I hate that part, especially when I talked about my divinity and question everything since i was 14.

That person, would never ever judged my fantasy about life or anything. It just listen. Sadly, She never resolves anything. The sad part was that, I couldn’t meet or talk to her in public. People would call I am crazy and I can’t afford to be that. So, I would just go to the bathroom and talk, sometimes it could be an hour expressing my thoughts, days and things I’ve been through.

Surprisingly, in my rainy days she would talk. She would gave some sort of voices over my head. All the things I wouldn’t really do in my sane days. Is that what a friend would do? As far as I know, a real human being would not do that. In the end, I realize None is perfect  not even my bestfriend, not even her , not even my partner and not even me.  And it’s okay to be not perfect. It’s okay to have flaws.

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